


self-care

by fated_addiction



Series: semicolon [3]
Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 16:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13461783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: wendy panics.or, that time wendy deals with her not work-related nonsense. it's a lot.





	self-care

-

 

 

 

wendy panics.

not a lot. just - she's put on the spot this time. if it's not work related, it all goes to hell.

this is irene's fault.

 

 

 

 

 

but first:

"so," joy says. "how did you know?"

"know?" wendy blinks. joy shoves the coffee into her hands. "what do you mean?"

"that you're in love with joohyun-unnie."

wendy stares. logically, she sets the scene: they are in a coffee shop, joy buys the coffee because it's her _turn_ , and the barista is awkwardly trying not to ask them for an autograph even though he's set up his phone to lean against the espresso machine as a dramatic proof of life shot for all his friends. wendy feels awkward. joy, however, smiles brilliantly. shoves a strand of hair behind her ear. because she knows she's being watched. and that's joy.

"are you going to answer?"

wendy blinks. "i don't understand?" her fingers tap against the lid of her coffee cup.

"unnie." joy exaggerates a sigh. "i know that it's been awhile since you liked anyone. that and you really don't talk about -"

"but that has nothing to do with anything?"

" _unnie_ ," joy admonishes. "listen."

"i'm trying -"

"i saw you watching her the other day in the car." it seems so non committal coming out of joy's mouth. "and it was weird..." joy laughs to herself. "but you kind of, brightened? like smiling in a way that i haven't seen you smile before."

"that doesn't mean i'm in _love_ with her," wendy regrets the words immediately. her eyes widen. her hand closes over her mouth and she breathes. _oh god_. sometimes slight realizations weigh more than the big, dramatic ones. she sits there and stares into space. her hand moves to clutch her throat. "at least," she mumbles. "i don't think so?"

"it was a pretty smile, unnie." joy covers her hand with her own.

sympathy doesn't make her feel good. but joy still wears that expression: sad, honest, sharp in a kindred kind of way. wendy blinks. then swallows and then curls her hands into fists. right under joy's hand.

she doesn't know what to think.

 

 

 

 

 

so wendy panics. starts looking into every thing _ever_ to try and explain the sudden onslaught of feelings and their meaning. like that time irene grabs her hand to help her out of the car. her hand is warm. did she like it? or that time, irene sat next to her in the waiting room. they shared a blanket. their knees pressed into each other in a comfortable silence. was it supposed to be this warm? did she like it? of course, she liked it - but was there a deeper meaning to it.

it's a problem, she decides. 

"there's lots of things i like about _you_ ," she blurts out, one day. to irene. right in front of seulgi, who basically chokes. wendy can barely recover. "just so you know," she adds quickly and irene, well, it's _irene_ \- she merely pats the back of her hand, sweeping her thumb into a small circle.

everything is problematic. because wendy comes into her feelings clumsily, a big giant mess of things to be exact. she can't pinpoint the moment, you know _the_ moment. everybody talks about when they fall in love. a piece of time that is too entirely profound to put into words or something stupid like that. wendy stays messy though. she finds little things that irk her about irene. her stress levels. the way she keeps a stone cold face in place. and doesn't share anything with them. can i be that person for you, wendy almost never says.

she doesn't like this. she doesn't like stumbling through any of this. there's no direction. wendy doesn't do well when there's no direction.

this is how she knows she's in love.

 

 

 

 

 

"what's going on?"

it's late and wendy is alone in the room she shares with seulgi. seulgi is in japan with family. the rest of them are dispersed everywhere else: joy is at a table reading, yeri is out with suhyun for the first time in weeks, and she has a radio schedule for later. irene is home too. for a photo shoot the next day. it surprises her that she is up and standing in the frame of wendy's door.

"what's going on?" irene repeats. arms crossed. her mouth slides into a frown. "you've been in here for hours. there's food for you to take to your radio show later."

wendy's mouth thins in response. "i saw," she says. "thank you."

"why are you being weird?"

"i'm not being weird." wendy pulls a sweater over her head. "radio schedules always throw me off."

"you're being weird."

"i'm _not_."

irene ignores her. takes a step away from the door and moves to sit on the bed next to her. she stays frowning and the bed shifts and sinks when she sits next to wendy. her long legs dip away from the edge, her heels dragging into the carpet.

"i feel like i missed something," irene confesses. "because, like, you're avoiding me. and i don't know why. usually, we're pretty open with each other. we've had a good week together too."

"we barely saw each other," wendy mutters.

"see! there you go!"

wendy feels like throwing a fit. her fists drop into the bed and she growls. then shakes her head, her hair flying everywhere. this is making her crazy, she thinks. and part of her job is, in fact, performing the same, solo song for an extensive period. she rubs her eyes and she look over at irene, who returns her look with concern and amusement.

"what's going on?"

" _nothing_."

irene scoffs. she reaches over, cupping her face with one hand. wendy is forced to turn and look at her. she tries to lower her gaze. her throat feels a little tight too. "it doesn't look like nothing."

"that's because i haven't said anything yet."

joy thinks i'm in love with you, she wants to say. and not just joy. seulgi and yeri do too. they haven't said anything, but the overwhelming nature of what this _is_ haunts wendy. if they know, everyone else knows. except irene, of course.

"you know we can talk about anything," irene says gently. it's the leader face. which wendy hates. for once, she really just wants an honest conversation. but she's terrified. "i'm always here."

"i know we can," wendy replies and tries to pull back, even as irene whispers a sharp, heavy _seungwan_ under her breath. it's frustrating. and all these knots uncoil from deep in wendy's belly. "but i don't want you to placate me. i don't want you to hug me and tell me it's going to be alright. i can barely short through what's happening. it's scary and messy and i feel like i'm never going to get a grasp on it which, well, that's why i haven't said anything to you. but -" wendy takes a deep breath. she exhales, wide-eyed. looks directly at irene. "joohyun-ah," she says seriously. "i think - _joy_ thinks - i'm in love with you."

irene stares at her.

"and," wendy mumbles. curls her hands back into fists. "i think she might be right."

the room falls into absolute silence. or what feels like it. wendy is breathing heavily. gripping her bed to hold herself up because oh god, she didn't mean to say anything. irene is stone-faced. her brow shifts and furrows and she looks away. wendy can feel her heart sink back into her throat. you should have waited, she tells herself. you needed to wait.

"since when?"

"what?" wendy blinks.

"since when, seungwan," irene repeats. shifts on the bed. mostly, it's to face her.

"i don't know." wendy tries to look away, but irene grabs her hand. their fingers lace together. irene's grip is heavy. "it feels like forever. but i don't know when it started. i can't tell you a moment or a place or what i was doing. or what you were doing. i just don't know. and it feels irresponsible. like this is the kind of answer that i'm supposed to have for you, but don't. all i know, all i'm coming to know, that i've probably loved you for a really long time." her vision blurs and her cheeks are a little wet. "and now," wendy breathes, "i just don't know how to stop."

irene nods.

she doesn't know how long they sit there. mostly, it's the way that irene grips her hand. like she's trying to process the information. her face shifts into a lot of different things: happy, sad, confused - it's full of longing and that's the most terrifying part, the longing, the promise and possibility that longing could mean the very same thing too.

"so what does this mean?"

wendy blinks. "what?"

irene laughs a little. she leans in, brushing her mouth against her jaw. "for us," she says slowly, shyly. "what do we do?"

"i don't -"

"i've always been happy just being near you," irene confesses. softly. even though it's just the two of them in the dorms. her expression changes and she seems a little shy. "in fact, i think i resigned myself to that - being near you, being happy with that, doing this -" she holds up their hands, squeezing her fingers. "so take some responsibility for the moment, seungwan. because i don't know what to do next."

this is not a confession. there is no grand scale or barrage of words that hit wendy in the face. instead, she stares and tries to process everything. watches irene's face return to that very same, warm amusement that she walked in with. so wendy kisses her. just like that. because she's angry, sad, frustrated and _elated_ because this has to mean what she thinks it means and it's too overwhelming to go otherwise.

wendy lets her hands rise, untangle from irene's, just to cup her face and pull her mouth closer. she slips her tongue along her lip. into her mouth. quickly, clumsily. it makes irene laugh and the sound vibrates back into wendy's. it's perfect. it's not perfect. but it's everything that a surprise is meant to be. 

when irene pulls back, her eyes are wide. a pretty flush settles against her cheeks.

"so i guess we're going to have to do this together," she mumbles.

wendy thinks she's the most beautiful girl in the world. and now, she's going to be hers. it's stupid. but feelings make you think about stupid things. lips and hips and strange, sudden kisses. "as usual," she agrees breathlessly. because, what else can she do? irene's lips are wet and flushed and it's distracting.

she drags irene back into the bed with her. mostly to kiss her.

wendy will panic again later, of course. probably about the words. you know, _the_ words. but one thing at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> still love these two a lot.
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
